


Criminal Masterminds

by littlervoice



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Thieves, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3516590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlervoice/pseuds/littlervoice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry stays downstairs with the lady. It’s his job to provide the distraction.<i> “Just keep them talking, Harry,” </i>Niall had told him when he first outlined their plan, <i>“You’re good at chatting shit and people find you endearing, you’ll be perfect.”</i></p><p>AU where Harry and Niall rob people's houses together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Criminal Masterminds

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the prompt _'we rob places together as a couple and get away with it AU'_

They have a good dynamic going do Niall and Harry. They’ve had many chances to practice and now they practically have their operation down to a fine art. They know it’s not the most well-thought-out of plans, but somehow they haven’t been caught yet, so Niall figures why fix something if it isn’t broken? He thinks he and Harry get away with it because no one expects a couple of students like them to be thieves – not the cheeky Irish lad who always has a smile on his face, and _especially_ not the loveable Harry who seems like he wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

\-----

Today they’re carrying out their plan as normal.

They show up to the house together, Niall with his arm covered in fake blood, acting slightly distressed, and Harry with his arm round Niall acting like the concerned friend. Then they knock on the door.

The door opens and on the other side is a middle-aged woman. Niall smiles inwardly. They’ll definitely get away with this one, once Harry turns on his charm she’ll be hanging on to his every word.

The lady’s eyes widen as she sees Niall’s blood-covered arm. “Oh my goodness, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, it’s not nearly as bad as it looks.” Niall puts on a pained smile. “But would it be possible to use your bathroom, maybe clean up a little?”

“Oh absolutely, dear.” She steps back and ushers Niall and Harry into her home. “It’s just upstairs, first door on the right. Let me know if you need any more help.” She sends him off with a kind smile.

Harry stays downstairs with the lady. It’s his job to provide the distraction. _“Just keep them talking, Harry,”_ Niall had told him when he first outlined their plan, _“You’re good at chatting shit and people find you endearing, you’ll be perfect.”_ So Harry compliments the woman on her house. From experience he’s learned that people love bragging about their fancy homes.

Upstairs Niall heads straight past the bathroom, instead creeping into one of the rooms at the end of the hallway which he hopes is a bedroom.

He’s in luck. It _is_ a bedroom – belonging to a teenager by the look of it – and over on the desk in the corner is an iPad. Niall tiptoes over and swipes it, shoves it into the inside of his jacket and then leaves the room. He always only steals small things, like a phone or an iPad. Something that’s easy to be misplaced or left behind somewhere.

As he heads back down the hallway Niall can hear Harry’s voice drifting up the staircase, sounds like he’s going on about curtains or something, and Niall rolls his eyes fondly.

He makes a quick stop in the bathroom, haphazardly cleans his arm and rolls down his jacket sleeve. Then he goes back downstairs to Harry and the lady with a grateful smile on his face.

“Thank you for being so kind,” Niall says, “Not many people would let a stranger into their home like that, I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem, really,” the lady smiles, “You boys don’t want to stay for a cup of tea or anything, do you?”

Harry’s face lights up but Niall jumps in before he can agree, turning up his Irish charm to one-hundred percent. “You’ve already done more than enough, we’ll get out of your hair now. Thanks for the offer, though.”

Niall opens the front door and heads outside, with Harry hot on his heels.

“I hope your arm’s okay,” the lady calls out to Niall. He smiles over his shoulder and gives her a thumbs up.

“I hope you find those curtains!” Harry calls back to the lady, bright smile on his face.

Niall shakes his head and pulls Harry down the driveway by his wrist. The last thing he needs is for Harry to form a friendship with one of their victims over a set of curtains.

\-----

Niall pulls the packet of fake blood out of his bag which sits between his feet in the footwell of Harry’s car. He rolls back his sleeve as usual and then rips the corner off the packet, but as he’s about to squirt out the fake blood he’s stopped by Harry’s hand on his forearm.

“What’s up?” He frowns. He hopes Harry’s not got cold feet all of a sudden, he desperately needs the money right now – they _both_ desperately need the money – or else they’ll be living on Cornflakes for the rest of the month.

“Just, I was thinking. Maybe I could have a turn at doing the actual taking this time?”

Harry looks so hopeful that Niall doesn’t have the heart to turn him down. Not that he would have anyway, because now that he thinks about it, it’d be quite nice the switch the roles around.

“Go for it.” Niall passes the open packet of fake blood over to Harry who, after managing to squirt it all over the steering wheel and his seat, somehow creates a reasonably convincing-looking injury on his arm.

They exit the vehicle and walk round the corner to the house they’d chosen to target.

“Remember to be quiet,” Niall reminds Harry, “And please be careful – I know how clumsy you are sometimes.”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Harry knocks on the door, changes his expression to something more distressed.

Today it’s a man who opens the door, looks to be in his early-thirties, Niall thinks.

“Shit, are you okay? Do you need an ambulance?”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Harry says, “It’s worse than it looks. Can I perhaps use your bathroom to give it a quick wash? Don’t really want to be wandering down the street covered in blood, y’know?”

The man steps back to let Harry and Niall in. “Sure, man, go ahead. The bathroom’s straight upstairs.”

Harry climbs the stairs and leaves Niall behind with the man. Niall can hear the TV in the background, it sounds like the commentary from a football match so Niall takes the opportunity to start a conversation.

“You watching the game? Do you know the current score? I haven’t been able to get a signal on my phone to check.”

“Of course,” the man replies and gestures for Niall to follow him into living room.

Niall and the man stand there chatting idly and watching the football match for well over ten minutes and Niall starts to worry about Harry’s whereabouts. He’s about to send out a search party (consisting of himself) when Harry finally returns, entering the living room looking kind of alarmed.

“Thank you so, so much. You’re very kind,” Harry says to the man, his charming grin returning.

“Don’t worry about it.” The man waves him off.

Harry turns and swiftly leads Niall out the house. Niall wants to slow him down before they start looking suspicious.

“So what did you get?” Niall asks once they’re safely round the corner and back in Harry’s car.

Harry unbuttons his coat and shamefully pulls out a roll of toilet paper.

“Harry, what the fuck?!” Niall splutters.

“I’m sorry! I panicked. I felt bad just stealing from him, he was so nice to us. But then I felt bad not bringing anything back for you so I just –” Harry gestures to the toilet roll in his hand, looking deeply embarrassed.

“So you just thought I’d appreciate some bog roll?” Niall shakes his head fondly, can’t keep the smile from off his face. Harry’s an idiot sometimes, but he’s a loveable idiot. “Honestly, Haz, what am I gonna do with you?”

“Maybe just leave me to do the distracting?” Harry suggests shyly.

“Probably, yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> yes i know it's probably unrealistic but i'm not a criminal mastermind
> 
> (yet)


End file.
